A forced layoff

First published on the Golf Monthly website on Monday 24th September 2007

A seemingly endless stream of visitors and visits are stopping Fergus playing golf, so far he’s coping relatively well.

Jessie and I love having guests to stay. When you’re a bit lazy about socialising, bringing the party to your own house is a great way of staying in the loop. And, given most of our university and work friends live in either London or Edinburgh, seeing them generally means a stop over for either them or us. It’s much better if it’s them.

The only problem with guests is they seriously interfere with my amateur golf career. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having my old work pals Tom, Jon and Chris up from London this weekend but I have missed the September Stableford and the final of the Deeside scratch team knockout.

It’s only in the harsh gloom of Monday morning that I’ve considered this. While the lads were here I was far too distracted to think about golf: Walking, barbecuing, watching the Rugby World Cup, drinking and more than a little gardening. I set the boys to work moving my compost heap from halfway up the lawn to the far end of the garden. Quite an epic task as it turned out. Thanks guys.

We had a great laugh, mostly reminiscing about our days in London but also trying to outdo each other in a game Chris had seen at a stand-up show. Its premise is: Think of a celebrity and invent a TV programme they might be commissioned to make based on their name. A couple of examples were: “Hugh Grant’s Huge Rants” – The bumbling floppy haired actor gets on his high horse, and, “Christopher’s Big Inns” – The pantomime dame tours some of England’s most sizeable ale houses. The only notable golfing suggestion was, “Bernhard Langer’s Clangers” – The German star takes a hilarious look at a selection of golfing bloopers. I’ve just thought of another actually: “Luke Donald Ducks” – Members of the public throw rotten food at the young English golfer while he attempts to avoid getting egg on his face.

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