A crime against golf

Dess Press contributing writer Jon Symons has just reminded me in his weekly diary that I am a pathetic excuse for a golfer. I had become so engrossed in watching the Masters over the last two nights, I had temporarily forgotten. Thank you so much for jogging my memory Jon. I must now consider my demons and attempt, if not to exorcise them, at least to face them.

I suppose the starting point should be the confession – On Saturday I committed the cardinal golfing sin, well not quite, I guess the cardinal golfing sin would be dropping a ball down your trouser leg or some other type of willful cheating. OK then, on Saturday I committed a significant golfing sin – A no return. Not much in this grand old game is more abhorrent than to see a medal score with letters rather than numbers in the total score box.

My decision not to complete the round can only be viewed as an act of complete cowardice and I should be pilloried for my spinelessness as Jon so rightly pointed out. Thanks again Jon, it’s for the best. I could list all the excuses under the sun for giving up on Saturday but none of them would hold even a molecule of water.

I’m afraid that, when I lashed my drive on the 18th so far out of bounds that it ended up in a different postcode, I just couldn’t face hitting another shot. Yes, it was raining, yes I had already notched up seven penalty shots prior to that moment during the round, yes it had been the slowest game in recorded history, yes I had a case of the shanks brewing and knew that one more iron shot could make them stick, yes my playing partners had already walked on assuming I would give up the ghost. But, I should have kept at it. I should have posted a score. It was an unacceptable act and one I will have to live with for the rest of my life… well until the next medal at least.

The Masters was pretty exciting wasn’t it? With the benefit of hindsight I’m glad that Bubba won, he played some absolutely incredible shots – the one that won the playoff defied the laws of physics. He is a supremely talented golfer and it just shows you don’t have to play this game by the textbook to be brilliant at it. I bet Bubba has never posted an NR. Oh the shame, the shame.

I say that I’m glad Bubba won with hindsight because I wasn’t so chuffed last night. The reason for that was I had a decent sized wager on Oosthuizen to win at 80-1. When Bubba played that shot from the trees I had to hold myself back from sticking my putter (I always like to have a putt on the carpet while watching the Masters) straight through the screen. Thankfully I didn’t, as that would have been a crime almost as great as NR’ing in the medal. If I’d done both I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself anymore. In fact, just writing about that NR is making me feel pretty close to the edge. I’m going to spend the next few hours thinking about what I can do to become a better person. Thanks once more Jon, this has really helped.

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1 comment
  1. I feel your pain Fergus! I had two 8s in my round on Saturday and ended up shooting 89. I was close to opting for an NR too. The most annoying thing is that I hit the ball really well for about 12 holes at various times in the round. My putting was a comedy of errors and I’m so bad right now that I’d make Lee Westwood look good. Oh well, there’s almost next week.

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